I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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