I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
