NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
