I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
