My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I puked a lego.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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