I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
