I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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