I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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