Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
