smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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