youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
