There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
