Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
