when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
