haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
