please come you make the beer taste better
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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