just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
