if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
