he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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