I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
