Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
