I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
