Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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