I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
