my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize