She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
