you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
