addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
