the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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