Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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