I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize