what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
