tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
