i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
