There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
