and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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