okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
