best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
