so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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