break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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