She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
