his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
