I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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