New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
