apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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