You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
