Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
