All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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