He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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