I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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