I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
