Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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