my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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