you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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