your parents love me but you hate me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
