i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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