the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
