We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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