imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
