Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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