What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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