Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
