looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
