Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
soo... how was my night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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