its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
