Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
