pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
