sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
