I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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